She Shoots. She Scores. GOAL! How To Win Internal Meetings For The In-House Counsel Attendee

Because even where there’s nothing for you on the menu, you can still pull off an in-house counsel win.

I recently had the pleasure of sitting through an all-day, all-hands department meeting for my product team focused on planning and strategy for the upcoming quarter. And by pleasure, I mean, it was akin to sawing off an extremity with a dull blade while an episode of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club was blaring in the background.

Worse, I’d previewed the agenda ahead of time and knew there would be little substance for me in this bloated time-suck. So why bother? Because even where there’s nothing for you on the menu, you can still pull off an in-house counsel win.

FIRST, SHOOT DOWN MISINFORMATION AND ILL-FATED IDEAS

Generally, my presence means that someone with a pulse and at least one firing brain cell is listening. And not just listening for some nugget of commercial wisdom or bright spot in an otherwise dismal results presentation. I’m listening for the ill-advised, ill-thought-out, or downright-shady suggestion that’s going to make extra work for me if I don’t shoot it down now. You know the one. The one where you look around in barely concealed horror to see if everyone else’s face is melting off. The answer is almost always no. Because no one is listening. But oh man, once in a while you get that priceless experience of watching business partners glancing at each other with that alarmed “who farted?” expression when someone lays down a truly unctuous suggestion.

About midway through this particular meeting during a brainstorming session, someone suggested we revisit the possibility of marketing our product to children. I’ll admit I suppose I’ve idly wondered what kind of regulatory hellmouth would open up if we decided to market to children (in the same way I wonder what would actually happen if I dropped a Mentos into a soda product), but that doesn’t mean I’d throw my hand up at a meeting and suggest we explore that as a viable option to increase revenue.

Luckily, my physical presence in the meeting means I’m in the best position to immediately address the potential risks involved — and more importantly for business partners — explain how freaking long it would take to get an initiative like that up and running. If that doesn’t impress them, I’ll point out we’ve explored this issue at least a half-dozen times and the answer is always a resounding no for feasibility and financial reasons. And if all else fails, I can cross my arms and glare at people until they’re forced to break eye contact.

Yes, you could potentially do this over whatever remote dial-in your company uses, but trust me your tinny, disembodied voice or glitchy, unflattering video con in a room full of people doesn’t carry the same weight. And your glaring potential is severely limited.

Sponsored

SECOND, KEEP SCORE

So much of what’s being decided or traded in the in-house jungle occurs out of our ear shot. But for some reason, few business partners think twice about discussing upcoming plans and the rationale (or utter lack of rationale) for them in the five to 10 minutes before and after the meeting, or if it’s one of those unholy long meetings, during the break. It’s as if they’ve forgotten you’re an attorney. You’re part of the “it sucks to be at an 8 a.m. meeting, what the hell was Brad thinking” club.

Sure, I like a little mystery as much as the next attorney, but when I can get the jump on what Thom is thinking of doing with that mid-west vendor or Christy’s plans to increase our presence in Canada, that means I can plan for it. Or, see my prior suggestion, take down a terrible idea in its infancy.

If you’re not in the room, it’s plain and simple. You’re going to miss this goldmine of potential information.

AND THIRD, ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL OF AVOIDING CONSCRIPTED VOLUNTEERING

Sponsored

Ever miss an internal meeting and get an email only to realize you’ve been “volunteered” for a whole bunch of action items? Action items that aren’t legal in nature but involve *gasp* stringing words together to a form a written sentence (think filling out tax forms or grant applications). Seriously, I once got volunteered to put together a PowerPoint on opportunities at on-campus recruitment events because I had the audacity to miss an HR meeting for a dentist appointment. I’ve never even been to an on-campus recruitment event. Nobody wants the attorney talking to the up-and-coming talent. So yes, while not entirely altruistic (or as I like to think of it, offense is my best defense), I go to internal meetings to avoid being saddled with work that a commercial partner should be doing.

So, even if you are dreading that internal meeting, or thinking of taking a flier on it and dialing it in — consider what you may be missing by going in person.


Kay Thrace (not her real name) is a harried in-house counsel at a well-known company that everyone loves to hate. When not scuffing dirt on the sacrosanct line between business and the law, Kay enjoys pub trivia domination and eradicating incorrect usage of the Oxford comma. You can contact her by email at KayThraceATL@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter @KayThrace.